School, Week One!

I have survived my first week of college!! 

Truthfully, it was really easy. My fitness and health promotion group had the same start date as the pharmacy technician group so the school has combined us for the first three weeks, where we basically ease into being students again (pretty well 98% of us haven't been in school for years!). This week we focused on student success strategies, like proper note taking techniques and how to survive exams. That's a big one for me - I get such severe anxiety for tests and exams that I draw a complete blank, so I was thankful to learn tips on how to deal with that! 

For the rest of "orientation weeks" we will be going through computer systems, learning how to use excel and word (which I REALLY need!) and building our professional portfolios. I'm both dreading it and looking forward to it - computers, yawn. But it's a necessary evil. 

The coolest day was when my fitness teacher came in to run through our course outline .. It got me SO stoked for my "real" course to start. It sounds intense and challenging and thrilling! I'm so excited to start! Two weeks to go! In nine months I will be a CanFitPro certified personal trainer and group exercise instructor! Eeeee!!

Easing into student life has been all right so far. It's definitely a huge change. I'm thankful for the super light class load right now as I adjust to my new schedule. If I had tons of work right off the bat, it would definitely be a LOT harder to adapt! 

I know I don't have much to report so far - but after hearing about the super fun assignments I have headed my way in the next few months, I know I'll have lots to share!! 

Chat soon!

Last Week Of "Normal"

So today marks my last Friday "off" before I officially become a student on Monday! This past week has been wonderfully bittersweet .. I've been living my life in this comfortable bubble for a few years now (we've developed a nice work / home / family balance!) and things are going to change big time next week. So these past few days, I've really worked to savor every little moment. 

I enjoyed coloring with my kids ..

And being silly under a cozy blanket!

And playing ..

And quietly meal-planning with a cup of tea while the kids were at school ..

And sharing an umbrella when I picked up them up ..

I won't get to pick the kids up from school for a long time, and that's the part I'm the most sad about. I really enjoyed meeting them in the school yard, the excitement on their faces when they saw me, walking home and hearing all about their day! 

I'm sad about "letting go" the comfortable routine I've had for these past few years, but I know in my heart that the challenge of returning to school with two young kids will be worth it in the end. I'm working to make our incredible  lives even better! 

One cool thing I keep in mind: I'll be showing my kids LIVING PROOF that you CAN make your dreams come true. No matter where your life takes you, no matter how old you are, no matter how much money is in your bank account, you can always find a way if you are willing to make sacrifices and work hard. Anything is possible. 

Tonight, we will go for a walk together as a family. Maybe take the kids for ice cream. And maybe cuddle under a blanket and watch a movie. But I will be sure to savor every moment. Because this time next week, I'll have homework and readings and papers and dishes and work and laundry ...!

Enjoy your weekend, everyone!! 

School's Started

Hey guys! My apologies for not being as active with my blogging this summer .. I kinda felt like I didn't have much to say. I worked out a lot, went for lots of "park hop" walks with my kids, and really enjoyed spending quality time with my family - mostly outdoors! If you follow me on Instagram (I'm mama_lego) you'll see my summer in photos! I adore Instagram - I use it as a photo journal / blog and just love looking back at the memories.

So school has begun! My baby girl has started full-time junior kindergarten and my baby boy is in the first grade. I'm so proud of them both and I love their excitement for school. It was a BIG adjustment, sending them both off .. I was very emotional the last weeks of summer and the first week of school. It's so hard, watching your babies go and grow away from you .. But so wonderful when you see how happy and confident they are. And the stories I get to hear when I pick them up! Priceless!

I felt a little lost at first - what do I do with myself?! But I found lots to do. I worked out. I went for long walks and listened to some incredible podcasts. I did lots of housework. I read a lot. I had coffee dates with friends. And I spent lots of time with my best friend. I'm enjoying my "my time" now, while I have it, because ..

MY BIG NEWS:

I'm going back to school! 

I was supposed to start this coming January in a two-year college program, but that really wasn't the right way to go for myself and my family. I was thrilled to find a local college that offers the same program for a length of ten months. I'm registered and ready to go in October. I'm very nervous and scared as this is a huge change. It's going to be very hard work - and balancing school / homework / my job / the kids / my family is going to be challenging. However, as challenging as it's going to be, I know it's going to be so worth it. As nervous as I am about jumping right in, I am so excited to be starting school and finally be working towards my dream instead of just dreaming about it!

What am I taking? Fitness and Health Promotion! At the end of my program, I'll be a CanFitPro certified personal trainer, group fitness instructor and nutrition and weight loss consultant. And that's only the first step in going after my dream. I dream of working with teenagers who struggle with body image issues and healthy living, I dream of teaching yoga, I dream of running community wellness programs, I dream of helping people who are just like I was! 

I plan to blog about my school days because it will be an incredible journal to look back on (much like my Instagram photos!) and hopefully schoolwork isn't so intense that I can squeeze a post or two in a week! I'm also back up on Twitter (@mamalego) so you can follow me there for those quick little blurbs! 

I'm so anxious and thrilled and nervous about the next step in my journey .. I can't wait!

Little Eyes are Watching

Some workouts are better than others. It all depends on the day. Today, I'm in a pretty strong low (thanks, monthly "friend"!) and really had to push myself to even push play. And while I was doing it, I was tempted to just stop.

But ..

My kids are watching. My daughter was working out with me (in her own little way!) and what kind of lesson would I teach her if I just gave up? 

I pushed my way through it and we finished it together. It wasn't my best workout or my prettiest, but I did it and I'm proud. 

And she is, too ❤️

 

YaY!

I know that the whole BMI thing is just .. Not everything. 

There are body builders with only 11% body fat who are considered obese according to the BMI chart because their body weight is over a certain amount. But that's just it - the BMI index doesn't take into account muscle mass! 

The BMI is just a chart to help suggest what a healthy body weight should be based on your height and age. It doesn't paint the entire picture in your healthy lifestyle or weight loss journey. It is a helpful tool to figure out what you should aim for to maintain a healthy weight. 

My ENTIRE LIFE I was always in the overweight / obsese / super obese categories on the body mass index chart. 

And that changed today! 

Today, for the first time in my life, I am in the "normal" range!!! 

It's a small, silly thing to celebrate .. But it actually did mean quite a bit to me. It's pretty exciting to finally be out of those negative categories :)

Until I start putting on muscle mass. Ha ha. But for now, I choose to celebrate! :) 

Progress!

A photo popped up into my Timehop today .. And I had to do a side-by-side. Two years ago vs today. 

I am sometimes in awe over how far I've come. I'm grateful. 

I'm also reminded of all the hard work I've put in over these past two years! Every workout, every healthy meal, every time I chose to go for a glass of water over diet coke .. It all added up. 

Small daily changes make for big effects in the long run. As fitness trainer Shaun T reminds us .. 

 Keep smiling!

The Hard Truth

Would you like to hear about a very dark reality in my life? 

I can vividly remember one night. I was in my second year of my healthy living journey that I knew in my heart I was failing at ... I was 292lbs, and I'd just had a bad chip / chocolate / pizza binge. I was terrified to go to bed that night because I was so scared that would be the night that I died in my sleep. I felt painfully sick to my stomach. Disgusted with myself. My heart was pounding in my chest. 

I stayed up late to put off sleep. I felt my stomach was going to rupture and kill me. Or I'd vomit and choke in my sleep. I was so terrified. 

Sadly, it wasn't the first time I'd felt that way. I have many different journal entries detailing how scared I felt after a bad binge and how much I needed to change. I'd beg myself to change. That this was going to be the last time. 

Well that one night I started to tell you about? That WAS the last time. I was crying (like great big ugly crying) because I wanted so badly to change so that I could be ALIVE for my kids. I didn't want to ever see myself diagnosed with type 2 diabetes or heart disease (both illnesses run in my family). I didn't want to die in my sleep like my good friend did when she was only 24. 

I got serious about my goals and my life. I knew I wanted to be fit and healthy and in control of my eating. I focused on eating right and exercising. 

It wasn't easy. Nobody ever said it would be. And I slowly but surely lost the weight. I gained control over my life.

When we're overweight, it's so easy to feel that if we JUST lost the weight, everything would be okay. 

You know what I've learned, now that I'm within 10lbs of my goal weight? 

Everything doesn't magically get better when you lose the weight. Those food demons that plagued me when I was 300 lbs are still living in this 170-lb body. 

That's proof. I bought these foods last week during a moment of weakness. I won my fight against them, and that's why they're uneaten and unopened. 

Some days, it's easy to fight the food demons. I can reflect on how far I've come. How good I feel now. How much energy I have. How happy I am. How I'm present for my kids. How terrible that food will make me feel.

Other days, it's damn hard. And so easy to give in. And I do slip up and give in. Some days, I recognize that it is a treat that is perfectly okay. But there are those times that it can go beyond a treat and into a binge ... those are the times I need to dig deep to pull myself out and fight the demons. 

I may always be fighting those food demons. I recognize that. And I'm proud to say that the majority of the time, I'm able to pull myself through with a proud smile! 

Every day I am stronger. I am doing exercises that I love and eating foods that fuel my body and make me feel good. I know that my food demons come out to test me every now and then, and that is where I need to be my strongest. I read my journal entries from my "fear of sleeping" days. I review the goals I've written out for myself. I reflect on my journey. And I fight. 

Thanks for letting me open up and share my struggles with you! I often find weight loss to be so glamorized online - everyone is eager to show their highlight reel (and they should be!) but we should also share our struggles because that's where we learn the most. 

If you've ever felt this way and need a friend to support you on your journey, then please reach out to me!